May 18, 1995
JON: Nice to see ya.
GILLIAN: Nice to be here.
JON: That's spooky.
GILLIAN: Why'd you show that clip?
JON: Cuz it's from your show.
GILLIAN: Oh. You could have like shown a part where we were kissing or somethin'.
JON: You and David Duchovny kissing?
GILLIAN: Yeah! No Scully and Mulder kissing.
JON: Oh. I'm sorry. Scully and Mulder, that's what I meant. Not David Duchovny. Uh. Mulder. Uh. So are you guys gonna, you know, cuz there's a lot of questions on the Internet about that if you guys are gonna to get together.
GILLIAN: Yeah I know I've had to answer that question a lot. Well it seems like they've taken care of it for us a little bit with these... you're kind of the carnisore of porno films right?
JON: Well, well, well looks like somebody's been reading my diary. All right. Uh. I've seen a couple and I've also rented some musicals as well. (Crowd Laughs) I enjoy those so... Uh yes you have your own uh-
GILLIAN: I don't have my own but apparently there is a uh Sex Files.
JON: It's called the Sex Files.
GILLIAN: I don't have a copy. Apparently Mr. Duchovny does. But uh-
JON: Yeah. It's good...
GILLIAN: I'll borrow it sometime...
JON: The plot's OK. There's a guy a delivery guy. An alien. And you guys end up doing it with him. (Crowd Laughs) It's uh pretty uh--you know, it's cool.
JON: I won't tell ya how it ends. (Crowd Laughs) All right, they all have sex!
GILLIAN: They do!
JON: Yeah they enjoy it.
JON: That's the true measure of success isn't it.
GILLIAN: It is.
JON: To get your own porno. But you guys have everything. Magazine covers and that. Did you have any idea this thing was gonna be, the huge monster that it is?
GILLIAN: I still don't, y'know, it's just kind of a .... and I'm back there somewhere doin' it. I don't know.
JON: Well your enthusiasm is contagious. (Laughs)
GILLIAN: (Laughing) I'm excited about it but I'm in it, you know when you're in it you don't know. You know. What about you? Are you excited that the show is doing well?
JON: But we're bombing. No!
GILLIAN: You are?
JON: No it's not a problem. I'm just kidding. (Laughs) Um we don't have a comic book cover based on the show. You guys have a-a-Look at that! A comic book. An X-Files comic book. (Crowd Claps) Wow. That was an odd artist's interpretation of you.
GILLIAN: It certainly was.
JON: Because you're quite lovely and then you look at the cover and perhaps they didn't capture your loveliness. Yeah. (Crowd Laughs) Yeah see that doesn't look like you at all for God's sakes. Do people like send you stuff in the mail, like illustrations of you and that sort of...
GILLIAN: They do, they do, they send me uh pictures they've drawn of me and ask me to sign them and send them back. Some guy actually sent me a piece of china that had my likeness on it but he neglected to put clothes on me so I'm like naked from here up.
JON: I got that one too.
GILLIAN: You do!
JON: Mm-hmm got the porno plates too. Got it all. No, no I don't it's just my whole commemorative porno set that I have. (Crowd Laughs) The plates. Oh man I'm really in trouble now. Aren't I?
GILLIAN: you are.
JON: But you're a married woman. Obviously we're just kidding around. Right? (Crowd Laughs) Aren't cha?
GILLIAN: I am married.
JON: What's your husband's name?
GILLIAN: My husband's name is Clyde.
JON:> Clyde Anderson?
JON: You want me to guess?
GILLIAN: (Laughing) Go ahead.
JON: Clyde Johnson?
JON: Clyde Parkinson?
GILLIAN: (Laughing) No.
JON: Clyde Stewart.
GILLIAN: (Laughing) No. This is fun.
JON: Clyde the Wonder Dog. (Crowd Laughs) I don't know.
GILLIAN: There you go. You got it.
JON: What is it?
GILLIAN: It's Clyde the Wonder Dog.
JON: No, it's not.
GILLIAN: Yes it is.
JON: What is it?
GILLIAN: Why aren't you asking me about my dog?
JON: What's your dog like?
GILLIAN: I don't have a dog.
JON: You don't have a dog?
JON: Why don't you just punch me now and get this over with?
GILLIAN: (Laughing) I don't know.
JON: How about that? Unbelievable. Um you're why is it that aliens always land in crappy places? You guys are always in like rain swept, cloudy, nasty... why don't they ever land in Hawaii or something?
GILLIAN: I don't know. I've been asking that question myself. It looks good though it looks good on the show.It's moody you know and our hair is wet. It looks good.
JON: Yeah. It makes for a very nice mood setting.
GILLIAN: It does.
JON: You know since the Internet is so big we have questions from the Internet would you mind answering a couple of these?
GILLIAN: No, no.
JON: They're from the Internet. We picked them up today. Will Scully and Mulder romantically involved? We already did that. Have you ever seen a real live alien?
JON: OK. (Crowd Laughs) No need to embellish. Ever feel bad when you kill a monster?
JON: All right. (Crowd Laughs) No...
GILLIAN: No I don't feel bad when I kill a monster. (JS Laughs, Crowd Claps) You learn that in high school don't you, you know you have to start then you have to finish the sentence...
JON: (Laughing) Then you repeat the question. All right. All right. You're getting an A.
JON: Here's one that I thought was very funny. Would you be my girlfriend. And it's from Cyber Mike at stillavirgin dot com. (Crowd Laughs) Which I thought was pretty cool.
GILLIAN: Wow. Is he human?
JON: (Laughing) Yes he's human. He can type, the man's got fingers and all kinds of things.
JON: Well you're very much enjoying yourself on the show...
GILLIAN: I am.
JON: And it's going to be kickin' for a long time.
GILLIAN: It's going to be kicking long past the time that I'm dead. It's going to be going on and on and I'm just gonna...I'm sorry.
JON: You're bringing me down now.
GILLIAN: I am. No I mean what I meant to say is it's going to go on for a long time.
JON: And you'll be dead.
GILLIAN: (Laughing) And I'll be dead.
JON: She says with a smile. Oh my goodness. We're going to take a commercial break and drink some happy juice and we'll be right back after this with Gillian Anderson and the X-Files. Friday nights.
JON: Hello folks! Thanks for coming back I'm here with the lovely Gillian Anderson of the X-Files. Congratulations by the way once again.
GILLIAN: Thank you.
JON: Your welcome. Do you know what the number one song in the country is right now? Do you have any idea?
GILLIAN: Yes I do but I'm not going to tell you.
JON: Really? Well it ain't Freebird ladies and gentlemen.
Transcript appears courtesy of the Jon Stewart Show.