Jan. 14, 1999
JON: Tonight's guest is not only the Emmy winning star of television's "The X-Files," she can also be seen in the upcoming film, "Playing By Heart" alongside people like Sean Connery, Gena Rowlands, Anthony Edwards, and me! So Please welcome, Gillian Anderson!
Crowd cheers as Gillian comes out smiling broadly while saying "hello" to Jon Stewart who greets her with a kiss on the cheek. While crowd is still cheering, Gillian asks Jon, "How are you doing?" and he says, "Okay" which Gillian repeats in a shaky voice while also shaking both his hands as though teasing him about being nervous.
Gillian makes herself at home and lies down on the couch. Jon says to her, "Yeah! Please relax!" Gillian laughs and sits up next to Jon's desk. Jon points at some fans in the audience and tells Gillian, "You got a standing up!"
GILLIAN: (looking at the audience) I did? (she waves at the person and says, "Hello!")
Someone in the audience says something that was edited so the viewers at home could not hear it.
JON: Security! You get that. Your fans are fanatical! They are fanatical! They are still calling out questions to an episode eight years ago, whatever. [in a squeaky voice pretending to be a fan] "Now the Smoking Man in episode three, with the tractor"...is it a constant barrage of questions on the street?
GILLIAN: No, it's absolutely not. Nobody ever asks me anything about the show, ever!
JON: Is that so?
GILLIAN: No, no, it's true. You know, it's funny. Today I did Rosie as well and we played this game at the end of the segment where an audience member has to...Rosie read out a plot line and I read out a plot line and one was real and one was fake...
JON: From "The X-Files."
GILLIAN: From "The X-Files."
JON: Somebody had to guess.
GILLIAN: And then somebody had to guess which one was right and actually, the ones that were correct were more bizarre than the ones that they could come up with.
JON: Were they really?
GILLIAN: No, it's absolutely true.
JON: Do you find that it affects you at night sometimes when you lie in bed, like (in a high pitched voice), "I wonder if aliens..."
GILLIAN: No, I never dream about the show.
JON: Really? Well I tell you, THAT guy does (referring to someone in the audience). That guy is out of his mind with the show!
Gillian laughs and looks a the audience.
JON: This movie, "Playing By Heart," I've heard great things!
GILLIAN: (laughing) Oh really!
JON: I really have. I've heard it's really a tour de force mostly acting piece.
GILLIAN: As a matter of fact, you know what? There is a really great actor, sometimes comedian...
JON: Yes! Yes! Yes!
GILLIAN: ...called Jon Stewart.
JON: It's more like sometimes an actor, that's for sure. We have a clip!
GILLIAN: We do. Is it the kissing clip? Is it the one where we kissed?
JON: I don't know what it is. What was it like to kiss Jon Stewart? I'm sure that's on everybody's mind. I'm getting a lot of internet emails.
GILLIAN: Well, there were a lot of takes as far as I remember.
JON: I just remember blacking out and waking up with lipstick on my face. That is all I remember.
GILLIAN: Have you talked about the fact that there was actually one scene, which they cut out of the movie, where we end up in bed together...
JON: With the dog.
GILLIAN: And there is this huge 400 lb. dog or whatever that jumps on the bed on top of him and Jon actually had to wear a cup.
JON: You know...
GILLIAN: It's not against you!
JON: When it comes to reproduction, my motto is 'SAFETY FIRST!'
GILLIAN: Well, exactly! At least you have something to protect!
JON: Exactly. Thank you!
GILLIAN: There you go.
JON: And they also smeared me with chicken. I just remembered that.
GILLIAN: That's right! I remember them rubbing chicken on your face.
JON: And you know what is interesting? Dogs, when they have chicken near them, don't know what 'CUT!' means and they just stay...we should show that clip, we have a....
GILLIAN: Could we just make a point of saying that the chicken was smeared around your face?
JON: Yes, around my face and not by my cup.
JON: Here is the sad part, I don't know where to look...Ah! We have a clip right now from "Playing By Heart." I believe it might possibly be you and I, for God's sake.
GILLIAN: Well, we are the only people who worked together, you know what I mean?
JON: Take a look ---
JON: You're charming.
(GILLIAN blushes and laughs nervously)
JON: And real. And lovely. What did I say?
GILLIAN: No, no, nothing. I just... Before I came here tonight, I was discussing you with my sister. We were coming up with a psychological profile, several actually.
JON: And which did I fit into?
GILLIAN: Oh, none. I think I'm going to have to revise the filing system; put you in the 'too good to be true' category.
[end of clip]
JON: There we go! That's nice! That's lovely!
GILLIAN: Thank you.
JON: I feel like saying, "Gosh! We did an excellent job!"
GILLIAN: We did do...we work very well actually.
JON: Now this is a special night you are here because we have been doing the 5 questions, weaning people off it slowly all week...
JON: This is the last night. This is the final question. This is it!
GILLIAN: Okay, but will you promise that we have time for me to ask you a question when we are done? Will we have time for that?
JON: Absolutely! We will have time for that because we have edit facilities.
JON: (making a funny face) If I don't like the question, ZIPPO! Okay, here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts, it is time for ONE question! Here we go, one question, this is it...for all the marbles, Gillian Anderson - Preferred alien medical procedure: chip implant or anal probe?
GILLIAN: Anal probe.
JON: Anal probe is correct! You've won the game!
GILLIAN: Thank you very much!
JON: One out of one! A thousand percent! All right, now you can ask your question.
GILLIAN: Can I ask you this question?
JON: Bring it.
GILLIAN: So, I was on my way to work the other day and the radio just happened to be on and there was an ad for The Daily Show...
JON: Yes! Yes! Terrifically humorous ad...
GILLIAN: A terrifically humorous ad where you were...I don't even know who you were talking to - a male figure of some sort...
JON: The announcer!
GILLIAN: The announcer?
JON: Yeah, we were in a booth together.
GILLIAN: You were in a booth together and you were going back and forth as to whether or not your were lovers...
[Someone in the audience yells, "YEAH!"]
JON: (in a funny strained voice) It's a standard comedy bit.
GILLIAN: It went on and on and on and what was that about?
JON: It was about half a bottle of Jack Daniels.
GILLIAN: (laughing) What was THAT about?
JON: It was a joke! A silly joke!
GILLIAN: But No! It was the most homophobic thing I think I have ever heard on the radio!
JON: No! Is that true?
JON: Wow. Well, you weren't in the booth with us. We've got to go.
GILLIAN: I am sure we do.
JON: I'm terribly sorry.
GILLIAN: To the editing room, I imagine!
JON: To the editing room right now. It was the most (switches to a very deep voice) "DELIGHTFUL" thing I've ever seen! We're going in there. We will fix it. "Playing By Heart" opens nationwide on January 22. Gillian Anderson, thank you very much.
GILLIAN: Thank you very much. Thank you.
Transcript graciously provided by Mari and appears courtesy of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.