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Messages from Gillian

November 17, 2009

Dear everybody -

I am sitting in the BA Lounge at LAX after a very productive and very short trip to LA. Got to see friends and take meetings and most of all raise a little something for charity - thank you everybody who showed up for that by the way - thank you for showing up and for donating and for buying and for everything related to anything that raises support and most importantly funds for the charities that I support.

I don't know how many of you know this but ANSA is just starting an auction and there are a few well signed XF items up for grabs but also they are in basic need of financial support right now to meet their fiscal responsibilities and so anything you can give would be awesome and go to such a good cause.

So I miss my boys. Five nights is about the limit of what I can do without them and I just can't stand it. On the phone Oscar says ĎHello My Mommyí and I just want to eat him up. Eyelashes, toenails, the whole lot. And then there's Felix, blond hair, blue eyes, a bulldozer with a wicked sense of humor even at one. Enough!

Anyhoo so here is LAX and on my way to the welcome drizzle of London before the welcome sunshine of somewhere else and time just flies and flies and I wish I could tell you what I'm doing next but I can't and Oh there was Moby Dick which was so much fun and such a great group of people not least of which was the director Michael Barker who is an angel of a man and Ethan (Hawke) and Charlie (Cox) and then William (Hurt) and oh my Donald Sutherland who I would give my left anything to properly work with again. It was blessed. Well, and cursed but I won't go into that.

And and what else can I say without saying anything at all...

Oh everybody has to see the movie Fish Tank when it comes out.

I wish I could say more but you know this isn't a blog.

That's all for this...year?



May 17, 2009

As you know I support a number of charities, many of them in South Africa. Off The Street Kids (OTSK) is the most recent addition and one that I co-founded.

OTSK is now up and running in Cape Town providing mentors and life skills workshops to youth preparing to leave residential care, and to those who have recently left care.

OTSK also offers assistance with finding a safe and stable place to live, further skills training, help finding work, and basically everything else most of us got from our parents when we were leaving home. OTSK simply acts as a substitute parent to these young people.

Most of the youth supported by OTSK have lived on the streets at some point, moved into a childrenís home, and then have had to leave the home without much support or guidance in what to do next. Many have backgrounds that include abuse, drug addicted parents or parents who abandoned them, and drug and crime issues of their own. The luckiest of them grew up in the townships with one parent, if that can give you some perspective.

OTSK is still running its pilot and needs help with operating costs. My question is, would any of you wonderful people be interested in making monthly automated donations towards the running costs? The knowledge that these costs (approximately $1800) are partially or indeed fully covered every month would relieve a huge amount of pressure and stress and allow the pilot to keep running, the charity to grow, and the goal for supporting the youth in their transition, to be reached.

Whether you can afford $2, $20 or $200 each month, every single donation will make a difference! And OTSK will be able to continue to carry out this essential work to help these young people stay off the streets, stay out of prison, and ultimately get on their feet.

OTSK will be posting regular blogs on the website so you will be able to see first hand how your money is impacting the lives of the youth we work with.

I will personally send a signed photograph to anyone who commits to a monthly donation of $20 and over for a minimum of six months, so please ensure you give your full contact details when you sign up.

You can set up a regular payment plan via OTSKís website: and if you would like any further information about raising funds for OTSK contact:


NOTE: Donation Clarification


January 27, 2009

Okay, so I know it's been a long time. Maybe the longest. And I have no excuses. Other than I have to be in the right frame of mind and somehow that frame has not found me until now. You know part of it is that if I am not careful I can get too comfortable and say too much and part of it is that sometimes around the time of giving birth all one's creative juices seem to be bubbling in one direction and it ainít the head.

So I am in London and both kids were asleep and now, of course they are awake. Just at the moment my fingers start a typin. But, I have help. You know, one of the things I am the most amazed at in life is women who raise children without help. Yes some people are more built for it than others, higher levels of the patience hormone, but hell it is HARD! And how the hell do you clean the house and make the dinner and do the shopping? I know I am sounding like a complete idiot here but Iím telling you, every last one of you from the beginning of time should be given a medal, and free health insurance, and food coupons, and a government subsidized housekeeper that comes in one day a week per child. I donít know, clearly I am rambling.

So we went to Brazil for Christmas. Well after Christmas, and had an extremely relaxing time - mostly for the fact that there is no body selfconsciousness in Brazil no matter how many bumps, rolls, extra chins one has, in Brazil it all hangs out, no judgment. Not even a sideways glance, and everyone is as friendly as a neighbor. A friendly neighbor. And the landscape is exquisite and the food is divine and well, I canít wait to explore it more.

Now, on more serious notes. I have a son, a second one and his name is Felix and he looks more like Winston Churchill than any baby ever has or indeed than Winston Churchill himself or as Connie says, he looks like the future leader of the free world. Move over Obama. No, Iím kidding, but heís lovely.

Back to seriousness, I would like to make a suggestion in regards to donations etc etc etc. The suggestion is that, as you may or may not know, I have five or more charities in Africa that I am involved with and, at any given time, one or the other of them is in greater need. So far, you guys have helped raise oodles of funds for Alinyiikira which is nothing less than extraordinary.

But I have another charity, for instance, which I have helped get off the ground for street kids in South Africa who have made their way into hostels but are about to be turned out on the streets again at 18 without the tools to be able to get a job or be self sufficient. The charity is in its early stages, just having been registered and is in the pilot stage so to speak of gathering information on the ground in order to find the best and most effective way forward. Eventually as the buildings are built or found and the children and young adults settle in, we can provide pictures of the progress so that all who are donating from around the world can see where their donations are being of service.

Anyway, I was wondering how you all felt about creating the Southern Africa Pot so that one group of say, Australians ;) who raise a couple thousand dollars for Alinyiikira, would know that eventually that exact amount would indeed reach that school but it may not be now because say, ANSA or Fezeka needed it more immediately. But also, a group might decide that they wanted to do a fund raiser just for the ĎPotí and not get specific about which individual charity it went to. But we would also keep it open so that if someone wanted to specifically donate say a years worth of school tuition for one student, it would go directly for that purpose. Am I making sense?

And have I used the word Ďsayí enough? Or should I say, use it one more time? On the same note though, we are looking for a web designer who would be willing to donate their services to design the website of the NGO (non-governmental organization) I was previously speaking about. If anyone would like to send examples of previous work to my website that would be great. Maybe write OTSK in the subject and Iíll tell you what that means later!!!!!

Okay what next? Starting rehearsals in April for Doll's House. Getting excited. Not scared yet. Things seem to be moving forward with Gellhorn but I am highly superstitious and will say less than nothing until its more than something. Books? Making my way through about six. Iím really bad. Thatís the last thing I allow myself to do. I took at least six books with me to Brazil but ended up making playlists for my iPod for the first time!!!!! How lame is that? Lamest that I had never done it before and had to do it when I should have been reading. Oh the piles of things I drag from one side of my life to the other.

A bit of a non sequitur but actually relevant because I would like to end by expressing my huge huge sadness over the death of Kim Manners who passed away on Sunday. He was just about to retire. Had been talking about it since the series ended. Let that be a solemn lesson for us all. Make the very most out of this moment now, itís all weíve got. I need to learn it more than anybody. Busy busy busy.

Thank you for listening.



May 27, 2008

Hello everyone.

I was just thinking that even though it says on the website that you, the fans and the curious can ask questions, the fact is I never actually answer them. On the odd occasion that I write something for the site, no matter how much I might think about the questions that have been asked, I end up writing a kind of stream of consciousness gobbledygook that answers the odd query only by accident.

So, I am hereby requesting the removal of that fallacy from the site, and will erect in its place something to the effect of: 'Write to Gillian - She will read it'. Well, possibly not that lame but the fact is I do read quite a few of them, I think, although someone does comb through them first, so it is highly possible that I read the 'Best Of' or the ones that don't refer to me as a three eyed monster.

In any case, let me just take this opportunity to say thank you to all of you who do write in or simply browse or even think about browsing after landing on the wrong site, and an especially big and grateful thank you to all those who participated in the doodle auction cause we raised some damn fine funds for the charity.

And here's to an excellent XF2 - it better be good! cause I'm expecting you all to see it at least 10 times each.



February 23, 2008

All writers take note!

There is a writer's workshop at one of my favorite places in the world, Hollyhock, where Elizabeth Rosner -- whom you all must know by now -- wrote The Speed Of Light which I am yes, still in the process of adapting.

GO! Soak in her wisdom, soak naked in the communal hot tub, and have a magical vegetarian experience.

Writing Deeper: Finding your Voice
Presented by: Elizabeth Rosner
June 13 - 20, 2008

Hollyhock is nestled between the forest and ocean on the south-eastern tip of Cortes Island, British Columbia, about 160 kilometres (100 miles) north of Vancouver.


January 6, 2008

Three books I read over Christmas and enjoyed:

"The Magician's Assistant" by Ann Patchett - Very enjoyable and satisfying read.

"The Late Hector Kipling" by David Thewlis - Shockingly hysterical.

"Mountains of the Mind" by Robert MacFarlane - About the history of mountain climbing. Fascinating.


NOTE: The referral fees for orders placed through our links will benefit NF, Inc. Thanks for your support!


December 14, 2007

Okay, so I'm in the Virgin Lounge at Heathrow on our way to India and we all have colds and on antibiotics and have more luggage than a family of six. Have to say there are worse places in the world to be biding time.

There was snow today in London. Light, white, and wispy. Not ready for India. It's going to slap me in the face and hard I think. All the doing.

Fact: it took 17 hours to get my hair from Boogie red to XF red. 17 hours on my butt. Impossible to imagine for most people who know me. But true. Anyway, enough doing. Time for sun and books and mindlessness.

But for now my mind is full of all of you and wishing all you supporters of me out there a very very merry and a happy happy happy new. And I guess I'll be seeing a couple of y'all up in the snow!

Till soon,



November 5, 2007

Sitting in the country listening to Kings Of Leon while Oscar eats a jam sandwich. Before that Alicia Keys' new very addictive single No One. Everything's on repeat till we get tired of it, and then another.

Just wrapped "Boogie Woogie" on Friday, one of the funnest set experiences I think I've ever had. Not sure if I've ever worked on such a small budget and yet felt that everything was running smoothly and would be okay. Really great bunch of people. Jacks who introduced me to Leon, well one song in particular and Rosie reminded me of that heartbreaking Damien Rice song on Nine Crimes. Wish they'd hurry up and release it.

Now I know that it's been an age since I last wrote but you know, I don't write that often in the best of times and my head's just not been there and I don't like writing when my head's not there, and I'm kind of doing that today not getting in the groove and it just has to be I guess.

So you all know that the XF film is a go. Haven't even shot it and it'll be released before Boogie. So weird. And before "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Even weirder. And in Vancouver which will be strange and wonderful.

Thinking of things I have enjoyed lately. No books in my life. Shame. Stacked on shelves but no time.

Saw Patti Smith and Philip Glass performing to Alan Ginsberg poetry which was a highlight in the last few months and Marion Cotillard's performance in La Vie En Rose one of the most extraordinary I think I have ever seen.

I mean what else can I talk about? Can't talk politics, the sad state of things, can't talk feelings, can't talk truth, so what's the point really.


NOTE: Messages from Gillian are exclusively for her fans who visit this web site. Please do not publish the contents (partially or in full) anywhere else on or off the internet.


April 26, 2007


I want to address the recent confusion around whether or not I enjoyed working on the X-Files which seems to have stemmed from out-takes of interviews past present and future as far as I can work out. I don't even know where to begin but I need to keep it short and with my claws in.

My experience is that whether I am asked about the X-Files or not in an interview, details about the series and my previous comments about the series are included in the text.

If I am asked about the series, and I ask to not stay too long on the subject due to the fact that I am promoting something else, I am frequently made out to be moody/abrupt/rude/dismissive you name it. If I do talk about the series, which I recently did as it was blatantly clear that the interviewer did not like the film I was promoting, I try to make it light and fun and not repeat myself as even I am sick of hearing the same old yarn.

What usually happens is that they ask about the long hours - I say yes they were long - they say, but you have said that at times it was a living hell and I say, yes at times it was... it was insane and long and wet and all that but there were good times too - and then the interviewer says provocatively - as if I'm either an idiot for staying in the series under such conditions or an idiot for saying it was so challenging when clearly it wasn't because I stayed - why didn't you get out? And my response which is as much incredulity that someone who has written for years about the television industry has either never heard of a contract or has the shallowness to pretend he has never heard of a contract - I say, "are you kidding me?! when you go to network you sign a contract even before your last audition".....

So the dilemma, do I go on explaining the X-F contract/salary details - as if he really cares - all the while injecting positive quips about the show and how grateful I am, or do I cut it short because I really don't want to be in this conversation yet again even though I know that no matter how nicely I request the end, it will, especially in this situation, be contorted to fit the snippy mood of the journalist. None of this has much of anything to do with my experience on the series let alone me as a person.

The series went on for a long time - longer than any of us had anticipated or some of us had wished. It was the hardest work I will ever do in my life. I hope for the sake of my children and my sanity that I never have to work that hard again.

Did I hate it? At times yes.

Did I love it? At times yes.

Did I regret it or do I regret it now? Not for a second.

Did David and I hate each other? At times yes like any brother and sister, husband and wife, co-worker and co-worker forced to spend that much time together under such strenuous circumstances.

Do we hate each other now? Not in the least.

Do I imagine that when we do the film together we won't hate each other for a few hours during the filming? No. We will. Vehemently. As David waits patiently, again and again for the hair dryer to calm my frizzy hair between takes so it matches the beginning of the scene... he will undoubtedly be thinking "what the hell was I thinking agreeing to shoot with her f****** frizzy hair again?"

But we will also love each other and laugh with each other and pull pranks on each other and bug each other like we did for nine years.

And that's that.


April 23, 2007

NOTE: These messages are exclusively for Gillian's fans who visit this web site. Please do not publish the contents (partially or in full) anywhere else on or off the internet.

So I am sitting here with Oscar spread across my lap snoring and P sitting across the room drawing. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. I hear a single engine plane. I smell roses. I taste chocolate. Life is good.

I have not written in a while. I always say that. Not just to you but in my journal entries as well. Actually that's not true. I have a journal that has been flying around the world with me for two years. The pages are blank. So my confession has clearly transgressed from 'I have not written in a while' to 'I don't write'.

Anyway, the fact is, I have not written to the site in a while because I have quite frankly been afraid to. I was shocked or rather appalled that my last entry of ramblings was published. What happened? When did Everything and Everything become mass public consumption? Since when have I been writing a BLOG!!??? What happened to PERMISSION??!! I am so naive. So, needless to say, I am a bit aflumoxed, flummoxed, aflutter? Angry, about the situation and what is safe to write about anymore.

So okay People magazine, I am sitting on a couch. Ta da! In fact I am even eating chocolate. Good God there must be something wrong with me. Bottom line, I don't think my entries will be what they have been so I apologize in advance.

Went to the CocoRosie concert the other night at Shepherds' Bush and actually stood in line at the end with the five other people - come on! where'd everybody go? - to have my cd signed. Well Pipers' cd. And mine while you're at it. Never done that in my life. Should have left the mystery out of reach but still, intoxicating.

So things are getting busy. Well they threaten to get busy. Lots of plans and schemes and dates and then it all gets pushed so I'm just sitting back being a mother and at some point someone will present a real day, a real this is it starting day, and I will show up to work and then the next and the next. Until then, its all a big mushy hodgepodge of intention. BUT I have to say considering the talk, the pleading, the non-stop barrage of WHEN ARE YOU GUYS GONNA MAKE THE NEXT.....its a bit pathetic that now we seem to be as close as we ever have been...I hear nothing! Zilch, ZERO. What's up with that? What's up with that internationally?

Oh everybody has to go see Sunshine the new Danny Boyle film. I saw it twice this weekend. It's exceptionally exceptional. I wont even begin to try to describe how well made it is. The production design is truly genius and the effects, jees! It is definitely my favorite film of the year along side The Lives Of Others. A year going into last year though. Meaning I guess big favorites.

And one more thing, read the first draft of the Gellhorn script and it's reeaally good. Phew! You never know if you're on the right track until you are or you aren't and I think we are. I got goose bumps. Can't wait to share that story on the big screen with everyone. Many more hurdles to cross before then though. Thanks for everyone's continuing interest and support for that project.

That's about the extent of what I have to report I guess. Except Oscar has six teeth which says it all really.

Till next time,



April 21, 2007

April 21

I was just in Los Angeles and finally saw the baby book that so many of you contributed to.

I was really moved that you all spent time and effort to write from the heart no matter what your native tongue or how time-consuming the effort might have been.

Thank you for sharing your hopes, dreams, losses, personal experiences with, essentially, a complete stranger in an effort to enhance my experience of new motherhood. It was fascinating and moving.

And thank you too to those who made donations to the AJS. I know for certain that those donations will have such a massive impact on the lives of the receivers that you should all be very proud of yourselves for contributing whatever you were able at the time.

Thank you from me, thank you from them, and thank you from Oscar.




August 9, 2006

P.S. From Gillian On Her 38th Birthday

"I have just heard about the $8,523 that has been raised for the Alinyiikira Junior School four-classroom block and I cannot believe everyone's generosity. What a fantastic Birthday gift! THANK YOU!!!"



August 6, 2006

Oh my goodness I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to write!!! Sometimes when there is so much going on on the personal front, one does not know what to talk about. It's all too loaded or not appropriate or basically not for public consumption. "Capiche?", as Piper says or "Know what I mean, jelly bean?" as my mom says (to me anyway) or "Do you understand what I'm saying?" which is what I say boringly and with way too much seriousness, as usual.

A -N -Y HOO, I am jetlagged. I was asleep from 12 until 2am but then moved to the bed and nothing could get me to sleep. Not bad tv, and I mean REALLY bad esp. as we currently only have four stations, or cards, even though I was I got up made toast, emailed P and thought what a perfect opportunity to write to strangers around the world!

Oh by the way, I am pregnant; which I have no doubt many of you know from the ridiculous tabloids around the globe but it so happens to be the one thing out of so much of nonsense, that is true. And I am very excited. And I am very fat.

So this year has not been about work at all really but about endings and beginnings and change and growth and pain and happiness and ultimately SLOWING DOWN. I do not mean that so much on the work front, although it has been a gift to not have to put on a brave face in front of the camera, but more on a personal front. Taking stock of what is important to me, what matters, what I actually want my life to look like.

It's hard to remember sometimes that it is our CHOICE! I have spent so much of my life responding to what is happening to me from the outside instead of instigating things from the inside based on who I am and what my beliefs are and what I want my world, my days, my little unit of life to look like. And it takes time and space and breath and patience to be able to listen to be able to even HEAR WHAT ONE WANTS, let alone make the necessary adjustments in order to create the shift.

So I am creating space to write. Finally my GOD when is she going to get that damned project off the ground?!!! How many years has it been now?!! What the hell is taking her so long! Yeah well, life. The 'L' word (the other one). And of course, CREATING LIFE. Which, I have to say, the first time round I was oblivious to the miracle and the stages and the joy. I mean, honestly, I cannot remember P kicking! Was it the hours, the FX smoke, the dummies with maggots eating their eyes out? What distracted me from such an important and momentous experience!?

And so it looks like that's gonna be it for the rest of the year. Birth and "Speed of Light" and rest and "Last King of Scotland" comes out Sept./Oct. and in the new year, around the time I have hopefully shrunk back down to something resembling a human being, "Straightheads", and then it looks like finally, filming on "NO One Gets Off In This Town". I love that script. Was looking forward to doing it in a fat suit but looks like it's gonna push. No really.

And as far as the X-F movie? I have no f****** clue. I think there's still a law suit, as far as I know the script has not been written, and as much as we all want it to take place as soon as possible, AND YES THAT INCLUDES ME, AND ALWAYS HAS, SO STOP WITH THE NONSENSE! It is out of my hands. Completely. Write to Fox guys, tell them to make it happen!

Okay it's 6:30 am and I think we're gonna walk the dog ( STAFFORDSHIRE bull terrier and no I don't own snakeskin boots) and maybe breakfast in an empty restaurant while reading the papers.

That's it for now and hopefully it won't be so damned LONG before I write again. Oh and I just got a letter from Samson who has graduated with honors and going into the graduate program and who I think will be writing to all of you who supported his education through the years to thank you. You guys have no idea how awesome it is for someone who has come from sleeping in front of the refrigerator on the floor of a shack in the South African ghetto to be going to graduate school. I mean can you imagine?!!! And also remember that there are still more students who could have the opportunity to do the same but they do need continued fund raising support. Thank you for everything you guys do. You should be so proud of yourselves.

That's really all for now.

Till soon,



October 24, 2005

Thank you so much everyone for your extremely generous donations to the Ugandan school. I am going to be visiting the school in the next month and I hope that during that time, as the direct result of your support, we will be able to get them hooked up to the power grid for the very first time.

I think it is important, as it has previously been announced, that we move slowly and not inundate them with too much from the west. That we respect how overwhelming it might be and that our ultimate goal is sustainability.

That said, the connection to the grid will be the goal before Christmas. Perhaps then, when the new term starts it will be appropriate for the book donations to get made.

In the meantime, I will continue to discuss with those involved when it would be best for the donations of tuition for individual students to start up. But just know that we are moving forward and I will keep you posted with how the school is doing and where your very helpful $ have gone.



September 1, 2005

This message from Gillian was written on August 29. We had planned to use it in conjuction with the unveiling of a new section dedicated to the Alinyiikira Junior School in Uganda. Out of respect for the urgency of the hurricane need, we are postponing this for the time being.

I just got back from visiting friends in Copenhagen and there are drunken carnival people up and down my street and every street in every direction and helicopters in the air and a hurricane in New Orleans and Twister on television and foie gras in my stomach and I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who donated to the Zimbabwe Fund. It was such a sweet surprise and Jules was really touched and I know he wants to thank you himself so I will let him but it was really great of you guys to take that initiative and I know it will go to a good cause.

If some of you are also interested in donating to the school I spoke about recently do let us know via the website cause the money will go straight to them and I have a huge list of what they need that ranges from cents to dollars to hundreds of dollars so if anyone is not donated out and would like to contribute in that way, come on down! That was really cheesy. I'll stop now. Okay. Bye till soon,



August 5, 2005

Hello everybody.

I am presently in Ethiopia after finishing shooting in Uganda on LKoS. It was a really wonderful experience albeit frustrating and chaotic and impossibly mad at times. There are a lot of very funny moments that I should probably put down on paper sometime involving cows and cars and mud and rain and 'Asians' or lack thereof.

One of the things I did while in Kampala was to visit a school that a friend is chairman of. The school has been open for almost two years and has about 120 students in one of the poorer parts of the city. They have no electricity and hardly any books and have filled up their exercise books I don't know how many months ago, and some of the kids cannot afford the uniforms, etc. etc. etc. And yet the children are incredibly bright and disciplined and so ready and willing to learn.

The afternoon I was there, they held an assembly for me outside and I talked to them briefly about a few things until the sky opened up in a torrential downpour. We took cover in a hall with a dirt floor and a tin roof and my assumption that we might be able to continue the assembly was soon thwarted by the fact that I could not even hear myself speak. And so after sitting around silently twiddling our thumbs for fifteen minutes I asked if they had any songs they could sing. They ended up singing four long beautiful African songs accompanied by dance moves, solos, and percussion -- two boys crouched in the corner banging on yellow plastic jugs with sticks, as the rain pounded above us and my smile grew and grew and grew.

Over the next few years I think I will be focusing more on schools in Africa and this will be the first. More later!

Happy soon-to-be unbirthday to most of you. Tee hee.



June 13, 2005

To everyone who has been wondering why she went to Beirut and Damascus:

Well for crying out loud guys. Okay, I was in Beirut and Damascus for holiday ONLY in between filming for "Bleak House" and I do not get to Uganda till the middle of July. Get some sleep!



June 9, 2005

Just a quick note cause I am really tired from filming but I have to say two things.

One is that Jane Fonda's new book, My Life So Far, is very inspirational on many counts and I recommend it highly.

Two is that I have just come back from Beirut and Damascus and I loved both cities and both countries and the people, wherever we went and no matter the circumstances, were so generous and welcoming and giving and warm and I just fell in love with it all, the history, the people. My eyes were opened and I was touched.



April 19, 2005


I highly recommend a cd I can't get enough of: "Let it Die" by Leslie Feist.



April 17, 2005


I saw David's movie The House Of D last night and I thought it was wonderful and beautifully written and beautifully shot and I just wanted to recommend that all of you who can, go out this weekend and see it. You won't be disappointed and it will boost his attendance record for the opening weekend which is essential to keep it out there. It's really lovely.



March 18, 2005

Okay. I know it has been a long time but heh, I've been busy.

My mouse is not working, or my computer is not working, or something anyway, that I cannot figure out in my narrow understanding of all things technical and so I am sitting in the dark at my husband's computer frustratingly still jet lagged from my recent trip west and thought that it might be an appropriate time to say something and nothing.

What on earth have I been up to? Well, I started work on Bleak House for the BBC which has been tremendously rewarding and has made me fall in love with the craft of acting all over again.

I have been polishing up Speed Of Light and am close, finally, to letting it see the light of day. So to speak.

I have been unloading my house in Vancouver which I finally sold after over ten years of history there which was bitter sweet and a heck of a lot of work.

And we have finally found a writer for our Martha Gellhorn project which is very exciting and a long time coming.

Still waiting for a couple of projects which I love, to get full financing and go into production and otherwise enjoying my life and seeing the world and enjoying being married.

And that really is basically it; always busy, never sitting still for as long as I know would be good for me.

Thank you all once again for all your support of both my work and other endeavors, and hope you all come together to bid on NF auction material coming up cause there's some awesome and unexpected stuff and the charity really needs financial support right now.

Till soon,



Season's Greetings from Gillian

December 4, 2004


July 6, 2004

Okay, here we go. I have to warn you, I am really tired and I have a plane to catch and I'm transitioning so my brain is a bit... you know.

Most of the questions have been about 'what the hell is going on' and even though I always tend to veer from anything close to answers -- not out of avoidance but just because I do -- I am actually going to attempt to answer. What the hell.

I have just completed my first draft of "Speed of Light" and, normally, I would be afraid of speaking about the whole thing but I have a clear understanding of the fact that this is still just the very beginning and that I'm the only one who has set eyes on it and it may be a long way off but at least that stage is complete.

"The Mighty Celt," hopefully, eventually, with a different title, was a fantastic experience all around. I loved the director, producers, actors and crew and I loved Belfast and I think the whole movie is really special and I can't wait to see it. Oh, and everyone on the planet is going to fall in love with the boy who plays my son.

It does indeed appear that the XF movie will be underway in the next year but a lot has to happen between now and then and a lot can happen between now and then. But it looks promising. Chris does not want to reveal at this point who or what will be in it but I got the impression it's going to be one scary mother.

Other projects are floating around. Few things I really don't want to do, a few things I would like to do, and I hesitate to say that some things will fall into place by the end of the year, but it looks good.

I feel like I'm writing some disjointed dispassionate horoscope or something.

Other than that, I need a good sleep and a hot bath and I think I might actually take care of the latter at this very moment.

Oh, and my nails are dirty. But soon to be clean.



February 19, 2004

Wow. Once again I do not know how long this will be or if it will make any sense. It was suggested that I write about my travels in Africa and, on the one hand, I can remember very little and, on the other hand, what I do remember will forever stick out in my mind. The withering tortured bodies of AIDS orphans. The immediate change in energy from one African country to the next as one crosses the border. The terrifying and exhilarating rafting trip down the white waters of the Zambezi River. The friends along the way. The cards played anywhere and everywhere. And that landscape that fills a hole somewhere deep down in one's history.

Since back, I have been working hard on "Speed Of Light" and working hard on getting other projects off the ground and working hard at ignoring the fact that I am doing a play again when I wasn't going to for a long long time. Yikes.

I imagine that the situation will be the same with signing after the show but I have yet to ask the theatre management about this.

I received some criticism last year that I was not as friendly to everyone as I was to the familiar gang and I want to apologize for that. I will try to be more broadly congenial. Sometimes, after a show when all you really want to do is have a bite to eat and go to bed, standing in the rain and smiling as if you mean it for up to a hundred people takes a lot of patience and tolerance and sometimes I am lacking on both fronts. I think the deal this time will be that I will sign two items (per person) only if the second one is from the Cafe Press Shop on this website, in order that money is raised for charity at the same time ... and no pictures please.

I am now in Vancouver and the sun is shining for the first time since I have been here so a walk with my girl is in order.

Happy New Year to everybody and please buy some Doodles at the Doodle Day Auction!!! Thank you!



December 13, 2003

So it's Christmas time again and here I am at the computer in Vancouver and I can't say I'm feeling very Christmassy. I am absolutely dreading shopping that I must do later today in order for it to get sent in time for the actual day.

But I guess part of my unChristmassyness is that it will be the first Christmas ever - is that true? - surely not! - that I will be away from my family.

Christmas is normally my favorite holiday for all the cozy reasons and this year I will be driving across Africa in a very uncozy, unwintery vehicle with no room for presents or appropriate holiday cheer. It's not that I'm complaining! It's going to be fantastic - and I asked for it! - but I guess my seasonal wish for everyone is that you cuddle up to the people closest to your hearts and fully enjoy their proximity and the blessing of their presence in your lives.

And I thank all of YOU for your presence in MY life cause you have all made it that much richer.

Till 2004, kisses all around,



November 13, 2003

Okay, so it is two thirty in the morning and I am wide awake because I have delayed jet lag and I am just bouncing off the walls.

I have to apologize upfront that I am not, as usual, going to answer any of the questions although I do appreciate them immensely and it does not mean that I want you to stop asking them. I am just too much of a control freak.

I am in the new house and loving it and loving London and there's a lot going on and I am very happy and did I say I was bouncing off the walls?

I do not really have that much to say except that perhaps everyone who reads this could spare a few more minutes of their time and visit an AIDS related website to fill themselves in a bit more about what's going on with AIDS in Africa at the moment cause it's a real real problem right now and everyone and their cat should know the seriousness of the catastrophe. Oh my God, no pun intended.

And that's about the extent of it from this corner of the world.

Hope each and every one of you is feeling as invigorated and full of life as I am, and if you are not, you

will again.



October 15, 2003

Oh my God, everyone, I cannot believe I have neglected for so long to write and thank everyone who participated in the auction. I have been in a whirlwind of a move in London (my house is for sale by the way, if anyone is interested, but no one is allowed to just go see it for the sake of seeing it -- and there will be big consequences for anyone that does -- but it's very expensive) and I am in San Francisco to see my best friend but landed here with sinusitis I caught on the plane and so have been flat on my back practically since I arrived. God, I love this city. God, I hate this cold.

Anyhoo, thank you everyone so much for working so hard every year to make the auction as good as it can be and that includes everyone who contributes simply by coughing (that's what I'm doing) up the money to buy something, but also just the pure enthusiasm that so many of you seem to have as you find ways to continually raise money for NF and Buskaid. It's just impressive and I, and many others, are extremely, perpetually grateful.

Now I, must go back to bed.



September 8, 2003

Oh my God, I was just informed of the amount that was raised for Gilbert and Buskaid and I am absolutely speechless. I read this email shortly after reading one directly from Gilbert speaking to his excitement about going off to school in another country and his heartfelt gratitude for all the financial and emotional support he has received from me and my fans and all I can say is that you should all be so pleased with yourselves for contributing to a huge and positive change in one person's life situation and opportunities for the future.

You are all angels, truly.

Buckets of gratitude,



July 30, 2003

Many of you have been asking where to send gifts for my birthday. I would prefer no gifts for myself but if you could make donations to the Gilbert and Samson Fund, that would be much appreciated.

Holy Cow!!!!! I've just learned that fund-raisers are currently going on to benefit Gilbert. I'm sending you all huge hugs and thanks on mine, Buskaid's, and Gilbert's behalf. You are just the greatest.



July 24, 2003

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes. You are not far wrong about the flipflops.

Just a quick note to say that we are trying to generate more funds for Gilbert's schooling fees and that anything anyone can think of as a way to raise some extra dosh would be much appreciated. Gilbert is going to be a very important fixture in the future of the Buskaid school, especially where the training of cellists is concerned. Thank you so much for that.

And one more thing from my horizontal throne --- Now that the auctions are no Mother was thinking that it might be a fun thing if the fans came up with creative ideas to raise money for N.F. Maybe the suggestions could all be sent in to Becca and Mari within a designated period of time and then we could go through them and come up with what sounds doable. Hmmm? Good thing?

That's all for now--



June 26, 2003

I am sitting in London listening to Royksopp and thinking that it must have been a long time since I responded to some questions. I like this album but I have to say that my favorite of the last couple months has been I Lucifer by The Real Tuesday Weld . Excellent excellent album. Very original and unexpected. Anyhoo, I'm not sure if I really am going to stay on track here with the questions so bear with me.

A few people have asked about things that have touched me or things I have done to touch someone else. I am always most touched when friends make things as gifts. My sister when she was much younger spent hours and hours making the most extraordinary Christmas ornaments out of Sculpy for the entire family and made me, amongst other things, this incredibly intricate chicken with layers and layers of different colored feathers.

And when she was younger than that even, she made a little patchwork quilt for Piper when she was born. Come to think of it, I made my brother a huge stuffed bear when he was born that was about ten times his size. I forgot about that. What on earth came over me?

My ex husband once carpentered a wooden cradle for Piper when she was born that was the height of our bed. Since I was coming home with her in the wee hours of the morning from filming and was too exhausted to get up in the middle of the night to feed her, he designed it so that one side would fold down and I could literally roll her out of it and onto our bed. Mind you, she never actually left our bed at all but it was the thought and effort that was so touching.

Friends who are artists have painted things for me and put together intricate collages.

In terms of MY doing those kinds of things, I am not as good at relinquishing my time to it. I did once make a little box that I covered in images I cut out from tons of magazines while I was shooting H.O.M. and presented it to my ex boyfriend with postcards that I had written to him every few days. And one Christmas I bought him a one person kayak so that he could go off on long solitary trips. I asked many of his friends to contribute to some of the gear so that he would be surrounded by things from his favorite people in the world. A life jacket from one person and an oar from another, etc.

And then there are things of course that Piper has made for me. Stacks and stacks of drawings over the years that I shall cherish forever.

Someone asked if there was anything that I had done for a fan that had touched or inspired them. The thing that comes to mind is not something I actually did or that really has very much to do with me at all except that this person who was in hospital with a form of cancer, found that the character of Scully inspired a strength in her and as she lay in hospital and was allowed to watch the series every week and in reruns, her t-cells gradually increased and she got stronger and, much to the surprise of her doctors, she gradually got better.

So the album is done and I am done as well. Thank you for listening.

Oh by the way, there seems to be a lot of complaints about the fact that I should get off my ass and work already. Well, for those task masters amongst you, you will be happy to know that before the end of the year I will be doing one and maybe even two films, and neither of them is My Scorpion Soul, for crying out loud. You will be filled in with the details once they are confirmed, but in the meantime keep your knickers on! I have been living my life for once in nine years and I am having a fantastic time of it and I deserve to take as long as damn well please before jumping into the grind of the business again.

And what about S.O.L.??? If I were working as well I would never get the thing written! And you should also know right here right now that I will never be one of those actresses that jumps from project to project. Life is just too short and there is so much to do and so much to see. But other than that, thanks for your support. Tee hee.




May 8, 2003

What am I up to? Hmm. I am in Vancouver. I am working sporadically on S.O.L. I am being a Mom. I am doing a cleanse. I am doing yoga.

What happened to the Ben Ross film? It got pushed and pushed and maybe it will go in the Fall. Maybe not. These things happen in this crazy business.

Something else I am looking at that I will not talk of yet just in case the same thing happens.

It looks unlikely that I/we will be doing WTNIF in New York. Have not spoken about it in that respect for a while.

Music? hmmm. Nothing really except "The Hours" soundtrack. Always been a fan of Philip Glass.

Movies? Haven't seen many lately.

Books? Picked up "Seat Of The Soul" again and am enjoying it even more.

I should also mention that I am selling my old '77 Landcruiser that I had restored on a celebrity auction in May. Don't really drive it much anymore. Beautiful red red with a cream top. Expensive though. The car will be auctioned at the Peterson Auto Museum on June 22nd in L.A. but people don't have to be present to bid.

Otherwise there is the yearly NF auction which should have some good stuff in it. This may be the last one so...

And that's really about it. Just doing my thing. Travel travel. Stuff stuff.

Hope everyone is well.

Sorry this one's so boring.



March 14, 2003

Okay finally a moment to address some of the questions sent to me.

I guess it makes sense for me to ruminate on what my theater experience left me with. I honestly for the first time yesterday, during yoga, sat my butt down and had a good short think about it.

The first thing that crossed my mind was "How did it even come to be?" and "What on earth made me think that I could do something so scary?" It seems like it was forever ago now and I barely remember how it began. Where the seed came from and how it all came together.

I think if I were asked right now to do it again in the particular headspace I am presently in, I would say "No! I could never imagine doing something like that." But then I would be faced with the reality that I have already done it and 'what am I so afraid of?' which brings one to the perception of fear. How something can be so frightening in one moment and the next seem reasonably doable.

Overall, I have to say that I had a tremendous amount of fun. I loved the rehearsal process even though, when we did our final dress rehearsal the night before opening, we had only done the final scene in entirety ONCE!

I loved working with Roger from the very beginning and working with John Caird was akin to working with a poet. I should go through my script and compile little pieces of paper with some of his insights and tape them to my fridge. Which reminds me of "Adaptation" which I took myself to yesterday FINALLY! It has some truly mind stopping gems about life and us crazy human beings and how we chose to see the world and ourselves.

I loved being in London. But what I loved the most, I think, and what I learned from the most was about the moment to moment focus that takes place in live theater.

First of all, I thought that I would have a daily struggle with remembering my lines. And the fear of what happens when you forget them and the slow death that can take a hold of you. But that was not the case at all and I found that, within moments, if you relax and not go chasing after it, and allow the heart to race without panicking that your heart is racing and "oh my God I am going to die!" basically let go and let it come, it will come.

Then, negotiating the audience every night was so fascinating. Figuring out that you can do a couple of things to help the show stay afloat. One is feeling early on what the audience is needing in order to stay focused. Do they need high comedy today to keep them interested or are they able to take in the subtle layers? Do I need to let my co-star carry the show this afternoon cause I just can't seem to, no matter how hard I try, get it up? Or do I need to balance out his reading of certain lines in order to help the point or the moment come across with the flavor it needs to have this all make sense in the long run?

None of this really goes on in a truly conscious way. It's more of what one realizes has been ticking internally in retrospect. But of course one can't DO too much of anything because then one is pushing and PERFORMING and trying to orchestrate a response and then it all falls flat. So I guess what I am saying is that I was inspired and challenged and in awe of the intricate dance and had fun playing with its changing faces night after night.

You get to a point where you realize that you alone are responsible for making it interesting and worthwhile creatively every time you get up there and if that means that you sense yourself getting in a rut doing the same things over and over, you can throw some wrenches into the works in the form of - and I know this sounds ridiculous but in live theater in front of 800 people it works - moving to a different part of the stage or picking up a prop you have never touched before or responding in a completely different, albeit appropriate way. It's about pushing the boundaries constantly so that you don't feel stagnant or get bored. And you continue to press against the fear so that you not only feel full and alive in the moment but you will have, when you look back upon it, shown yourself that you have done some scary things and therefore, when the next opportunity for fear comes up, you can look back and say, "Well, if I did THAT then maybe I can do THIS and it won't swallow me whole." Good God. I had no idea I was going to write more than a couple of sentences and now I have to go and catch a ferry.

But I also wanted to say thank you so so so much to all the people who flew from all reaches of the world to see the play and to all those people who wanted to but couldn't and to all of you who believed in me enough to vote for me even though the critics didn't and I was just so moved and touched and grateful (on most nights - tee hee) to see all your shiny faces backstage. And thanks for raising money for NF and Buskaid and Samson and for taking the piss out of me as much as I hope to take it out on myself.

With great sincerity,



November 2002

Terribly sorry I was unable to write in the appropriate month but things have been kind of hectic. This may be short.

I have been asked about favorites a lot this month and so I will respond to that. Also about current books etc. etc. Not reading. Wish to but no time.

Sigur Ros just came out with a new album which is fantastic. Saw Damien Rice in concert and still think he is a genius.

Favorite Anish Andy Goldsworthy...Brice Marden...Bill Viola...many many more.

Starting tech rehearsals today in the theater for the first time but I have just been diagnosed with laryngitis and am feeling quite dreadful.

Loving it here. Loving loving loving. Play going very well. Life going very well. Love going very well. All things good.

Sorry for this dreadfully boring report.



September 2002

This time just simple responses I think.

No, I will not be able to attend the Trevor Project this year.

My favorite poet of the moment is Sharron Olds.

I was asked why I am drawn to play emotionally frail women. Scully was used as an example along with other characters I have played. First of all, I do not consider Scully to have been an emotionally frail character by any stretch. I find the mix of strength and weakness to be a truth that we all have experience with. Often scripts show weakness for women through emotion only and other subtler shades of vulnerability are not used to show facets of a character. I am interested in duality though. In the struggle between ones "good" strong side and ones darker side that may be strong as well but can obliterate the other. It interests me because such duality has always been at the forefront of my life and something I have witnessed in others.

There were many questions about my political opinions. I have to say that I have made a choice over the last couple of months to separate myself from all of it. Things are now escalating and I may start paying attention soon. But first I was appalled at the media's sensationalized take on 9/11 and then I was sickened by the way that it was handled by our government. I have spoken a few times with Gloria Steinam about many aspects of what's going on and listened to Madeline Albright speak in someone's home about what possibly could be done by women to transform our governments' attack mode but it has gotten so out of hand that it's even impossible for the great minds of our time to ask questions let alone state opinions without being branded a traitor. I know that there are a lot of people working very hard to instigate a shift in how it is all being handled but I am afraid the ego that is running the ship is just too narrow-minded to allow any alternative suggestions about anything including the environment and alternative fuel sources let alone the current warzone. All I know that if Colin Powell could be president and Madeline (except she's Polish by birth) vice-president, the world would be a very different place.

That's it for now.

Thanks for asking.



August 2002

Hello everyone. I am fully aware that I have been lax in my responses to monthly questions but have been basking in much needed time off from anything to do with anything. I am at present on a solitary retreat to write and also hopefully work on The Play. Which brings me to what seems to be a prevalent question regarding what I might be doing next.

Well, let's see. I will begin rehearsals on a play in London called "What The Night Is For" at the beginning of October. The run of the play will take me until the end of February. Then at the end of March I will be shooting a movie, once again in England for a few weeks but the details on that I am afraid are not for public consumption yet. I then hope to take a month off before either possibly doing the play in NY or working on Speed Of Light some more or another project I am co-producing with a screenwriter who is adapting a book that I will star in and yet it is highly possible that by the end of next year the X-Files movie will be ready to shoot or God forbid I will need to take some real time off to do absolutely nothing instead of say, traveling alone through Africa for a month which I did this summer which was extraordinary but exhausting . But you see here, all is up in the air and yet there are many possibilities. And here too is the dilemma that I have just executed a run-on sentence purely about me me me and that in itself makes me cringe.

And then there was a question from someone who worked on the X-f crew who mentioned that the gaters were taken away sometime after an evening when I went a little batty on one of them and good gosh I had no idea they were taken away and I am very sorry if I had anything to do with that and more importantly yes I am spending more time with my daughter and I cannot tell you how much it has transformed our relationship and how much in love we are and I would recommend it to anyone who thinks they should spend more time with their kids but can't seem to fit it in. Because ultimately it is not quantity but quality that counts and yet sometimes when our lives are so filled to the brim, even the downtime feels rushed and frantic and our kids pick up on it. Breath. It's all about breath I am finding. In everything. (not that you could tell by my stream of consciousness diatribe) In how we are in our bodies and how we are in the presence of others. To take a moment to breathe in this moment and fully be here in mind body and spirit even when ones mind wants to wander over calls that "need" to be made or where one left ones sunglasses. It is so HARD!!!!! And yet this, this moment is all we have.

And that is all I have to say.

Oh, and everyone has to pick up my new favorite c.d. by Damien Rice called "O." It's mandatory listening.

Oh, and hot water and lemon is the best! It's better than tea. A little stevia. A whole lemon. What am I talking about? You'd think I just invented the damn thing. Okay, that really is enough.





April 2002

I am sitting in my hotel room in the desert. Borrego Springs to be exact, where we are shooting the final inal days of the show. There is a wind that has picked up and threatens to blow my whole caseda on its ide. I feel like Dorothy in that rickety clapboard house. In fact that analogy is more apt than I realized.

First of all, I am not in Kansas anymore and second of all, when I finally land and crack open the door of my future, a whole new and wonderfully foreign world will span out before me. And in technicolor no doubt.

These last few days have been a little surreal. Shooting in this heat with the wind and sand is no small task. Kim Manners looks about ready to have a heart attack. He is sunburned and stressed and his back as been out for weeks and we have to get all of our work done each day before the sun goes down.

Poor Kim, he works so hard.

Production decided at some point to make all of our scenes out here day work. I am not sure what the original impetus was but it enables the crew to gather in the evenings and enjoy each other for the ountdown. The only problem for me at least is that I have gotten home after work every night with a dreadful headache and absolutely no energy to be social whatsoever. If I drank I am sure I could muster he energy to partake in the fun and forget my physical woes but since that is not an option, I relegate myself to my room and the advil bottle and contemplate which of the many scripts/books/movies I have no energy to enjoy.

On the whole everyone is in good spirits and there does not seem to be a whole lot of sadness yet. The air/makeup/wardrobe department has brought along water pistols and spend the day drenching each other at regular intervals to peels of uproarious laughter from all. David has been joining in which is not quite fair as he is in Mulder clothes and cannot be squirted back. Although, the odd crew member who as been doused by him for too long will throw caution to the wind and just let him have it. And since David wears a t-shirt and has little hair and make-up maintenance, it doesn't take long to right him again.

Me, on the other hand, am wearing a shirt that shows water and hair that frizzes when wet and way too much make-up for my own good, and am forced to play the roll of Mom. I am the safe zone behind whom veryone gets to hide. It is both a frustrating yet satisfying position to be in; to be on the outside yet needed and included all the same. The irony is not lost on me as in reality, in a purely psychological way, it is just the way I like it.

Chris is out here and in good spirits as well. Going for runs in the early evenings after work when the rest of us can barely peel ourselves off the couch. Where does he get his energy? I think he and David are working up to a triathlon in the next month or so which also includes biking and swimming. A safe way for them to compete. It is hard to tell what might really be going on in Chris's head right now. Whether he maintains his smile and quiet contemplation because he is grounded and at peace with the end or if it is a task that holds back a storm of emotion. I guess that can be said for us all as we reside together in this far away melting pot taking our last steps on the yellow brick road towards the unknown.

Anyway, I was looking over the questions and realizing I had but few days to come up with something and just started writing where I'm at. Hopefully this is answering some of your silent questions of...what is it like for them right now in the final days? Come Friday there will be but one answer, one ultimate truth. And it will come in the form of tears.

I know that your hearts and minds are with us and you will follow us albeit resignedly, as we trudge the road to happy destiny. I thank you for that.

With gratitude,



March 2002

Question: Now that the X-files are ending, can you tell us what are some of your favorite memories of working on the show?

Answer: Some of my favorite memories of working on the show (and not necessarily in order of importance or weight or much of anything but the order in which I remembered them.)

1. Directing "all things."

2. Singing 'Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog' to Mulder in "Detour".

3. Shooting "Triangle."

4. Shooting "Cops."

5. Shooting the kiss/bee scene in the movie.

6. Shooting the scene where Mulder shows Scully how to hit a baseball in "The Unnatural."

7. Shooting "Bad Blood" but especially the autopsy scene.

8. Doing the elephant autopsy in "Fearful Symmetry."

9. In the first season the crew used to crowd around a t.v. screen on Friday nights and watch the show over lunch. That was fun and exciting for us.

10. I remember when the casting director told me I had the job after the final network audition and I had to drive a fellow auditioning actress that I knew back to her hotel knowing that I had the job and not letting on or being able to talk about it.

11. Shooting the graveside scene in the pilot in forced freezing rain at some ungodly hour in the morning and trying to remember my name let alone whole paragraphs of dialogue.

12. Shooting scenes in the snow in Vancouver wearing a skirt and high heals and trying not to slide down hill...or having to use an umbrella so that my hair did not have to be blown out before every take.

13. Telling David in his trailer that I was pregnant and him telling me that he felt his knees buckle. Blue, as a puppy was lying sick on his bed behind him, having just been spayed.

14. Watching Jim Rose do his famous genital tricks in his trailer during the shooting of Humbug.

15. In one of the very first episodes, there's a scene where Mulder and Scully are to look at red lights in the sky that may be UFO's and follow their flying path. David and I were standing on a windy hilltop looking out onto the pitch black heavens with the cameras on our faces and being directed where to look in EXACTLY the same place at the same time (up down left right)...but with NOTHING TO LOOK AT AS A GUIDE! It was absurd.

16. Shooting Scully and Mulder's final kiss scene at the end of "Existence."

17. Shooting the dance sequence at the end of "The Post-Modern Prometheus."

18. I remember sitting at a wooden table with David on the set when Pendrell was shot, and David telling me about this date he had with a woman whose name he would not tell me, but it was kind of like the tea that you drink.

19. Sitting in a luncheon booth on the North Vancouver lot with David Nutter and for the very first time going over a script with a director beat by beat and how exhilarating that was to be creative that way and have someone care what my feedback and impressions and instincts were. The script was "Beyond The Sea."

20. Shooting the scene where Scully's stomach is pumped with air in an abduction sequence and trying not to reveal that it was actually a pregnant belly being shot. I'll have to show that scene to Piper one of these years.

21. Lying in a hospital bed on set ten days after giving birth to Piper. Hooked up to tubes and wires and drifting in and out of sleep while they shot around me and being wheeled to and from the bed in a wheelchair. Surreal. I'd just been there!

22. Shooting a scene in a rowboat in the middle of a lake all by myself for hours and my lactating breasts getting so swollen that I thought I might explode.

23. Shooting a scene in an episode about cats where Scully has to be attacked in the face by a cat but I am allergic so they built a cat on a stick covered in bunny fur whose arms could be operated by some poor special effects guy. So here I am "struggling" with this fake bunny/cat in my face pretending to get scratched and be terrified when the fake fur keeps sticking to my lipstick and going up my nose and Kim Manners and I cannot stop cracking up at the ludicrousness of it all.

24. Lying on the floor eight months pregnant and being pushed by someone across the floor to simulate me "crawling" because I was so big and my belly was in the way and I could not do it myself. I think it was "Duane Barry."

25. Sitting in the back of a jeep on one of the stages pretending to be attacked by imaginary (CGI) green bugs who are going to cocoon us and suck our life out of us...flailing away at them with all my might and then whenever we cut, turning to a big garbage can to my left and throwing up because I had horrible morning sickness.

26. When Chris Carter walked into my hospital room a day or two after Piper was born and was stopped in his tracks by the sight of this living being propped up beside me. We sat in silence for a long time.

27. Talking to Chris on some payphone outside some restaurant a couple nights before I was to go back to Network for the final audition, and him giving me notes on how to dress more 'streamlined' for the Network Execs... I borrowed a suit.

28. Talking to David for the very first time outside the audition as he chatted up the girls, and commenting on the fact that I was from N.Y. and not really meaning FROM FROM, but the disappointment which flashed across his face when I qualified that I had only actually lived there a couple years. He moved on to someone else.

29. Experiencing Rob Bowman directing for the first time, setting up elaborate shots and the crew standing around thinking what is this new guy doing spending all this time with these fancy angles...cut to...the established norm. And thank God.

30. The last day of shooting in Vancouver when the make-up artist had to redo my make-up three and four times before every take cause I was crying so much. I imagine the same will be said in a little over a month. We won't get anything shot.

The End

I know it seems ridiculous that I might only have thirty memories over nine years but I am afraid that is the best I can do and still have you all read it before the end of the month.


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